I miss blogging

I haven't been on here in a few weeks. We made it home from Pennsylvania.... eventfully to say the least. Our car overheated on the way there, we barely made it there in time after getting completely drenched in a freak, 5 minute, thunder storm while switching our bags from one car to the other. We were almost charged a seat for Faith since we didn't have her birth certificate (what is up with southwest? They are the only ones to ask for this! Then they said that I should have faxed it to myself while I was on my trip... what?!). Then security has to throw away my new natural, etsy sunscreen because I forgot it was in my purse. We sit on the runway for an hour because of weather while the guy behind us is saying "da plane boss da plane" to his 3 year old over and over again. Faith fell asleep mid-flight, about 30min into her nap she starts crying unconsolably in her sleep and vomits all over me.

I hate New York now. Not fun with a baby in the summer at all. Its too hot to wear her and too difficult to use the stroller with the subway, so we did a bit of both. On the 5 hour drive back from new york Faith was hysterically crying a good portion of the time. I never know what to do when she is like that... I tried nursing her in her carseat, distracting her, nothing. She just wanted OUT. I'd let her out for a few minutes and put her back in, which only made it worse. I just kept thinking... would you rather have a dead baby or a sad baby? I confess, let her out... I know, bad, very bad, mommy. But, we still had over an hour to drive and she was way too upset to fall asleep, even after I let her out she cried for a good 20 minutes after because she was ssoooo scared. Poor girl, thanks Jesus for keeping her safe.

We got a poodle puppy! Then Michael decided he didn't like dogs after all, so we gave him back after a week. It was bitter sweet because... I don't know why anyone ever gets a puppy. It was SO hard with puppy & Faith. oh my. I'm very relieved, but kind of sad at the same time. I really had no time to do anything at all! It was miserable, now my plants are dying because I forgot to water them for 5 days in a row. I'm sure it would have changed once he wasn't a puppy anymore... but that could last 2 years! I really just wish we could go get a shelter dog, but we can't handle shedding and Michael is allergic to some dogs it seems. And I'm definitely not getting another dog until Faith is like 6... and I'll have 10 kids by then, so they can all take care of it. hahaha jk (about the 10 kids part)

We are moving! Did I tell you that? Michael's supervisor is leaving and we can take his house! Its two stories with carpet and a fenced yard. 3bedroom, 2.5baths, more open floor plan so the kitchen isn't secluded in a little hallway (which I HATE about this house). Its about the same size as our house now, except more living space because right now - half our house is the basement which I don't like. I LOVE moving! Organizing, planning, arranging. AHHH I could do it once a year for the rest of my life. lol This will be our 3rd house in 2.5 years on the same base (the other move wasn't by choice though).

My family is coming to visit in a week! They haven't been here since last summer when Faith was 1 month old (we have visited them since then, though). That will be fun, pretty sure my sisters hate me now that we don't have a puppy though.

Michael made "Below the Zone". So, he gets to rank up 6 months sooner than expected - so its basically like winning $800! Woo!

"Vacation"

We are on "Vacation" right now... whatever that means after you have a child. It is SO exhausting chasing a one year old around a non-baby proof house. There are 7 other people here and they of course offer to follow her around, but you know, they get distracted or something and next thing you know she is putting a whole grape in her mouth or trying to climb up the stairs in the blink of an eye. Not to mention- I HATE old houses that have no carpeting and creaky floors. Seriously, could the sound travel any better? If people are talking downstairs it sounds like they are right out in the hall. Needless to say- Faith is having a hard time napping/falling asleep and I'm having a hard time not being mad at everything. hmmmm 11 more days. I am looking forward to seeing some of Mike's family that we haven't seen in 3 years and his parents live in the town where we met, so its fun being back here and going back to all the places we would hang out at. Its the cutest little town ever, with a ton of family owned businesses and row houses. ahhh, adorable. And we are going to NYC tomorrow-Sunday so that will be fun and hopefully not too hot. I'm not even going to bring the stroller because subway = not handicap accessible.. meaning lots of stairs. And its crowded! (we have been using the stroller more because it is HOT to have a baby on your back in the summer)

And... everyone and there dog is pregnant and I'm not and I wish I was but I'm not even fertile yet (no signs of it at least). My heart aches every time I see a newborn... so I just try to remind myself how many people struggle with true infertility (not breastfeeding induced infertility lol). I guess I'm just freaked out now that I will never be able to get pregnant while breastfeeding and Faith will be 4 by the time we have another baby. lol. Yet just a few months ago I was freaked out I would get pregnant too soon. I SO do not trust God... :( its always something I'm worried about. Not even worried, I just WANT! Maybe if Faith is a little older though, I'll be able to tandem nurse and she won't wean during my pregnancy! fun! God knows what He's doing.... my body knows what its doing. words to remember. I have been having a ton of dreams lately like when I was pregnant. hmmm

sorry to be such a complainer...

Growing Kids GODS Way? Are you sure?

a couple highlights from this very indepth article on the Cultic Characteristics of Growing Families International/Ezzos. I strongly encourage reading the whole article if you are involved/interested in this "ministry"/program. And now, from the people that brought you Babywise!

Note that the indispensable and exclusive role of the blood of Christ in removing the guilt of sin (Heb. 9:14, 22; 1 John 1:7) is not mentioned. Neither are parents instructed to teach their children that their guilty consciences can be absolved only by accepting Jesus as their Savior and then regularly confessing their sins to God (1 John 1:9). Surely the Ezzos do not believe chastisement is the price paid to remove the guilt of a child’s sin in the sight of God. It seems more than coincidental, however, that they failed to qualify such a potentially misleading assertion.

"repeatedly cited Matthew 27:46 — ‘…My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ — in support of their teaching that mothers should refuse to attend crying infants who have already been fed, changed, and had their basic needs met. ‘Praise God,’ writes Gary Ezzo on page 122 ofPreparation for Parenting, ‘that the Father did not intervene when His son cried out on the cross.’ We see no way to make such an application of this verse without completely disregarding its original context and purpose."^{30 they teach that maternal instinct is an unbiblical concept and therefore imply mothers should ignore any intuitive alarms they may hear when following the GFI program (e.g., to pick up their crying babies when the program would tell them to let the babies cry).}

While GFI takes Scripture out of context to prove that some of its teachings are from God, it does not shy away from according a similar divine status to other teachings that clearly have no biblical support whatsoever. On the one hand, GFI materials acknowledge that "God is silent on the topic of infant feeding"³⁸ and that "the Bible is not specific" on how to "produce a morally responsible child."³⁹ On the other hand, their infant care book is subtitled "God’s Order for your Baby’s Day" and their child-rearing book is titled "Growing Kids God’s Way." Contrary views — even those advanced by Christians — are labeled non-Christian.⁴⁰ The overriding tone of the books is dogmatic and authoritative. They are full of feeding, sleeping, and playtime schedules and rules and "non-negotiable mandates"⁴¹ for parents to follow. Issues that the Bible is silent on and that Christians generally consider matters of convenience or personal or cultural preference become matters of Christian morality: how well a child sleeps is discussed in terms of the parents’ spirituality;⁴² directing a pretoddler’s behavior in the high chair is called "moral training";⁴³ an appendix in Growing Kids God’s Way teaches that a child’s behavior at the table is "an extension of Christian character."⁴⁴

the Ezzos have said there is "no basis"⁴⁹ for the concerns and have dismissed them as "unsubstantiated hearsay."⁵⁰ The infant program they developed warns parents of the dangers of demand feeding,⁵¹ the infant feeding practice strongly recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.⁵² GFI describes the research supporting putting infants to sleep on their backs as "not conclusive, and the method of gathering supportive data questionable"⁵³ — despite the fact there has been no less than a 30 percent drop in the number of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) deaths in the United States since the "Back to Sleep" campaign began.⁵⁴

The Ezzos describe themselves as "professionals"⁵⁵ and have said they are replacing others as the "authority" on child-rearing.⁵⁶ Yet they lack much of the background experience and education found in many of the very critics they are dismissing.⁵⁷ They have claimed to have a "network" of "hundreds of pediatricians" who provide them with "expert medical advice,"⁵⁸ but they have refused to provide the list when asked.⁵⁹ There is not one Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant on staff, though the materials give explicit breast-feeding instruction. These paradoxes may exist partly because of the Ezzos’ apparent lack of any true accountability to either church elders or a board of directors⁶⁰ and also because they actively discourage questioning both inside and outside the GFI system.

the book also instructs that even a two-week-old baby who falls asleep during the middle of a feeding and wakes up hungry two hours later should not be fed: "Babies learn very quickly the laws of natural consequences. If he does not eat at one feeding, then make him wait until the next one….Do not feed him between routine mealtimes."¹⁰¹ Lactation experts disagree. Pediatrician Marianne Neifert, author of the "Dr. Mom" parenting books, says, "Some babies…could handle the schedule. But a small baby with a mother who’s got a marginal milk supply.…Those babies could be put in jeopardy on a schedule."¹⁰² Lactation experts cite research explaining why such a schedule works for some babies, but not for others.¹⁰³

Things I would do differently

... at Faith's birth that I never thought of.

Ask what my care provider does in cases of emergency (hemorrhaging, shoulder dystocia, etc). I of course asked all the usual - csection rates, episiotomy, induction, cord around neck etc etc. But I neglected to ask about certain things that might come up during labor and it kind of bit me in the butt as I wasn't thrilled with the way a couple things were handled.

Insist on skin to skin for a longer period of time. Sure, we had like 20 or 30 minutes before she was weighed & measured and swaddled (and we probably only had that since I was totally naked, otherwise I would have had a gown on). But, after my SIL had issues with her newest baby not latching at all and after doing some research for her- turns out skin to skin is MIGHTY important for breastfeeding.

Don't shower at the hospital... worst shower of my life.

Have someone take pictures... we have no labor pictures and I'm so sad.

I might not take evening primrose oil, even though I think it did help in some aspects- my sister said it could cause hemorrhaging.

Insist on delivering placenta while cord still intact - I wasn't really clear on this and decided to just have a see what happens attitude, and since I was hemorrhaging they cut it early... they did ask me first though. But who is thinking clearly the second after your baby is born?

I don't think we will find out the sex next time. yay!

Overall I was VERY pleased with my hospital experience. The nurse I had was great and never once asked me if I wanted pain meds. And my midwife was there with me the whole time. Everyone was very chill (except when her shoulders got stuck). After she was born they pretty much left us alone (except one nurse kept telling me I wanted tylenol... I didn't - I wasn't in pain. No wonder though, they charge $3/pill!). I really reallly loved the "room service" and not having to cook or do dishes or rely on the kindness of others to bring us a hot meal. In fact- thats one of my motivating factors to go back next time lol. And I've heard the other midwife that also delivers there does "under the table waterbirths"- you aren't supposed to, but she says she won't force you out of the tub lol. And my MW was totally fine with delivering Faith on the toilet lol (never did because I found a more comfortable position, though it wasn't the best for gravity or stuck shoulders). No one pressured us to do any routine newborn things (baths, eye ointment, hepb, etc). I did feel pressure for the vit.k since she had some bruising but we just had to sign something for it.

But, what about next time? Then what will we do with Faith? I don't think they allow young siblings at birth in the hospital. There is a free standing birth center an hour away that our insurance pays for... but an hour away. And homebirth of course would always be my first choice but free or $2000... free... $2000? Its not even that we can't afford $2000... but its FREE at the hospital. Our insurance does pay for homebirth with a CNM but all the ones here are CPM or RM. I did call someone who said our insurance covered her fees, but only because they had her listed as CNM (she was a cpm) and they have a database online of their "preferred providers" she said that she wasn't listed on that for some strange reason and she required payment up front and she would reimburse you when/if the insurance paid her (which is standard). Shady much?

Can't I just pay a midwife like $200 to show up last minute in case anything goes awry... not even to deliver the baby- Michael could do that. lol ;-)

I don't even know why I'm blogging about this. Looking forward to next time I suppose. Michael has been saying Faith needs a baby brother/sister for about 8 months now lol. Still no period though woooohoo 21 months so far.

some links on spanking

Is Spanking Biblical? This is probably the best article I have read! So much information!

And this awesome book is online again!! Samuel Martin "Thy Rod and Thy Staff"

Kevin Swanson (who is NOT anti-spanking) speaks out against the dangers of Michael and Debi Pearl (though they aren't mentioned by name) . This REALLY surprised me! I'm so glad to hear someone in the homeschool community taking a stand!

Please, I don't want to debate with anyone or make anyone feel judged for their choices.

wearing skirts

I was talking with my neighbor (who homeschools and is super cool) about "those homeschoolers". you know the ones... anyway I started thinking about women who only wear skirts & dresses. I used to be one of them. I fully believed the only way to dress completely modestly & femininely was to wear skirts and dresses (like- we went to Rome and I didn't put a pair of pants on the entire trip - in DECEMBER). Let me just tell you how big of a head I got about it. I would look at all the other women at the store, or wherever, and think how I was the only one wearing a skirt and how I was such a God-honoring example of womanhood and everyone else was misled or feminists. I don't think this is how all the "dress-only" women are, but I can definitely see how it can happen with the mindset. *don't worry some of you that I know now... my judgmental dress-only philosophy didn't last that long* lol

And, who decided that pants were immodest, feminist attire? I mean, sure they weren't marketed with the homemaker as the original target audience and men wore them first. But, so what?

Anyone heard of the "Feelin' Feminine Challenge"? Its a blog challenge to only wear skirts for 1 week and to blog about how you feel and are treated whilst participating. I've considered doing it. Maybe I still will... I like wearing skirts sometimes (I have a whole closet full). I do feel prettier and more feminine when I do. BUT I feel like I can't do anything while I'm wearing a skirt... and I have to get up and down off the floor a lot and stepping all over a skirt while trying to stand up and hold a baby is not fun, feminine, graceful, or safe. And going up and down the stairs while carrying something? not so much. I guess it would depend on skirt length. Hmmm... the more I think about it the more I think pants are the homemaker's best friend! So free-ing. I guess I'm just one of those people who doesn't like to have to think about my clothes after I put them on in the morning. And maybe I have weird sensory issues, but I hate HATE getting into/out of the car in a skirt... its just feels... icky? And, I think Mike likes me better when I remind him of the girl he met at wal-mart in jeans (more on that later) than a bent-out-of-shape prairie girl who wears skirts all the time.

If you are a skirt/dress only woman... I think you are super cute and i secretly probably envy you

I was on the receiving end of this judgment recently- except much more blatantly than I ever was about skirts. It was about homebirth/hospital birth. the superiority tone and condescension was astounding. I even apologized to my sister after that (who was not involved in the discussion at all) because she is always telling me how judgmental I am. It really turned me off to all things homebirth for a while. And I was actually glad I had a hospital birth after that so I could keep a sliver of humility (even though I would love a homebirth more than anything, I don't think its in the cards for us).

its a lot harder to find time to blog when you only have a desktop computer. (Faith broke our laptop- its getting repaired now and was still under warranty YAY)