I have been reading a ton on child (and baby) training recently and have come to the conculsion that its awful. At least conventional methods. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut since I don't have unruly toddlers running around, but there are some wonderful articles here (on spanking & discipline) and here (on the different baby training methods) written by Christians that do have older children and the gentle disciplining they write about seem to be working.
I read "To Train Up A Child"(TTUAC), you could read it online until just recently... something fishy is going on, all the links I post to free online books end up being removed from the internet. anyways, it is like $5 on amazon, but just reading the reviews should give you an idea. And Barnes and Noble has stopped carrying it... hmmmm
Basically their answer to everything was "switchings" (for babies too, with a willow branch) and never use your hand on their bottom because it doesn't hurt the child and it can mess up their spine apparently. But, you can use a large tree branch, wooden spoon, a belt across the back of the legs; I believe is what was suggested. They back this up with biblical evidence of "God spanks us when we disobey", and of course those Proverbs on 'The Rod'. No, God doesn't give us the exact same physically painful consequence for every sin committed. I felt like the author made up a bunch of bologna... he said a rebellious teenage boy came to him and said that he wished his parents loved him enough to spank him... really?! And a small child telling his mother he loved her for spanking him. huh? The author gives examples of children that weren't spanked and how they are devil children compared to the kids that received switchings. All he says is that they weren't switched not that they also weren't disciplined, so readers believe children that aren't spanked are thus horrible and out of control.
Basically their answer to everything was "switchings" (for babies too, with a willow branch) and never use your hand on their bottom because it doesn't hurt the child and it can mess up their spine apparently. But, you can use a large tree branch, wooden spoon, a belt across the back of the legs; I believe is what was suggested. They back this up with biblical evidence of "God spanks us when we disobey", and of course those Proverbs on 'The Rod'. No, God doesn't give us the exact same physically painful consequence for every sin committed. I felt like the author made up a bunch of bologna... he said a rebellious teenage boy came to him and said that he wished his parents loved him enough to spank him... really?! And a small child telling his mother he loved her for spanking him. huh? The author gives examples of children that weren't spanked and how they are devil children compared to the kids that received switchings. All he says is that they weren't switched not that they also weren't disciplined, so readers believe children that aren't spanked are thus horrible and out of control. Now, I wasn't spanked often (I only remember a few occasions, and thinking it was funny when it happened. I know.. I was awful) and my sisters and I grew up completely selfish and rebellious and disrespectful to our parents.... so you'd think I would be all for "switchings", but my parents (I love them dearly) just weren't consistent in their disciplining.
In TTUAC multiple times he uses animals as examples... "this is how the amish train their mules". So, that means this is how we should train our precious children?! He doesn't even try to hide the fact that this is nothing more than behavior modification psychology. They say if you are nursing and your baby bites you to pull the baby's hair. Poor baby never knew what was coming. Why not just remove baby from breast everytime he bites, he will figure it out, seems more logical right? You will get switched for: not playing with a toy you were given, crying, not being happy or joyful, not having unquestioned obedience to any adult/older child. Gee, you know... after I've had a bad day a good, long switching or solitary confinement always put me in a better mood! And, apparently fear is how you gain your child's respect. Think about the people you respect, seek advice from, trust and love... did they use a large tree branch on you to earn it? What happened to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? That verse was never quoted in the book, I actually don't remember anything from Jesus being quoted.
I love this article: "I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger - for instance, if a toddler is running into the street, or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that at these times a few pops on the rear end are okay. I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does you ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chairlift?
A parent who believes that spanking is the only effective way to teach a young child about safety issues is not giving the child enough credit. Children - even little ones - can indeed learn about safety through our teaching them. As a matter of fact, through teaching they will learn much more, as they can absorb the reason for the rule, and over time, can learn to make good decisions on their own. I watched two friends one summer teach their toddlers not to run in the street Mom A give her toddler a swat on the rear every time he went in to the street. Mom B picked up her toddler, looked him in the eye, and said, “NO street! Dangerous. Stay by Mommy.” By the end of the summer, both children learned to stay out of the street. Which child understood why? And which child has better communication with his mother?
Positive, respectful, consistent discipline is the real key to raising well-behaved children."
