I've been doing SO much research on parenting and child training lately, I need to organize my thoughts. Michael basically puts me in charge of deciding & researching things like this, and I just end up really confused. I borrowed the book "Preparation for Parenting" by Gary Ezzo; author of the more popular title "Babywise", from a woman at our church. I guess I had already formed an opinion by hearing too many negatives (and going to this website). But, the program seems to be really popular among Christian parents. And, all the people I've known who used it have really well behaved/mannered children (teenagers too!). But... some things that bothered me are the fact that Mr. Ezzo has no medical/pediatric background (his wife was a nurse though) and he was excommunicated from the church he started the program at. He has 2 daughters. And, if I'm remembering correctly, conducted all of his studies himself (I don't remember reading any independent research studies in the book). Throughout the chapters on feeding, he mentions multiple times that its not breastfeeding vs. formula feeding that matters, its the manner in which the feeding takes place. Which doesn't sit well with me or the American Academy of Pediatrics. I've read of numerous incidence of low milk supply, failure to thrive, etc... due to the scheduling (though, he does say if baby is showing signs of hunger then feed him). Plus, he is all about sleeping through the night by like 12 weeks, I doubt that would be profitable for milk supply. He also says breastfeeding past 1 year has no basis in health but is a personal preference. And, since we have to train baby to 'self-soothe' to get him sleeping through the night, I wonder if baby would even try to communicate hunger (or anything else) to mom if he is used to not getting his needs met (its like negative reinforcement of the cues baby is sending mom, thus he would stop sending them?). I think there is a reason why God gave us emotional reactions and instincts to baby's crying. But, I do like the idea of having uninterrupted sleep & being able to schedule the day by knowing what baby would be doing at that time. And, I do think, to some extent, the schedule would be comforting to baby (by having a routine).
And, a little side note, because I think its really interesting... women will keep producing milk until the baby stops nursing (like years & years). If God didn't intend women to keep nursing until the baby didn't need it anymore, wouldn't he make it so we stopped lactating 12 months after birth?
On the other side of the coin, is Dr. Sears (the "father of attachment parenting").. a Harvard graduate Pediatrician (for 30 years I think?), father of 8... he is also a Christian. I read a quote from him in the LLL book that said the healthiest kids in his practice were breastfed in terms of years. I can only think of one family that has older kids that did a lot of the AP things (like baby wearing, child-led weaning, co-sleeping). But most things that I read (haha, ok everything!) are pro-AP, so there is probably a lot of bias. But, AP just seems like common sense to me... you know, follow your instincts. There is a book called "How Would Jesus Raise Your Child".... I haven't read it, but I just think its interesting to think about (especially with the whole spanking issue, which I'm still unsure of...). But, when I think about it... do I really want to deal with the possible results of a lot of the AP things (like interrupted sleep, having a child unable to sleep in his own room or nursing a 4 year old [lol, I think I read average age for child-led was like 2 or 2.5]). I guess there just needs to be a balance and we will just have to wait and see what our baby is like.
I don't even want to post this, because I feel like I'm totally bashing non-AP... but I'm not. And I've wasted like an hour if I don't post this (I think I'm wasting an hour even if I do...). And, I'm sick of sitting here and need to get off the computer!
Ohhh... but, Michael and I watched this video from the website Christian Monotheism. Its about the Trinity. I don't know if its really interesting or really questionable. So now we are studying up on the trinity and biblical unitarianism....
5 comments:
Hi Beth:)
Looks like you are a natural born researcher-lol! Good for you :). As it's important to look for truth in all things and not to follow things blindly.
As for baby stuff-I'd have to say that my Dr. Sears book has been such a blessing to run to in times of sick babies, questions, etc. Another thing I have to say is, the Lord's grace is truly upon us and you won't believe how naturally mothering will come to you. If I was to give any advice, it would be to just relax and enjoy your day to day learning of mothering from the Lord. It's amazing what God gives us, in relation to answers, when we depend on him fully. I believe there is a lot of great stuff out there for mothers to learn/read from, but I also believe there is a lot of confusion...like we almost 'know to much' nowadays-causing unneeded stress.
For instance, even w/pregnancy...they say don't eat cured meats, and certain cheeses, etc., because of the chance of getting sick from contaminated sources, possibly losing baby, etc. They HAVE to say that for legal protection because of the cases that have happened, however, hasn't affected the majority, and I eat deli meat and blue cheese, feta, etc., and have had healthy pregnancies. Just saying...I don't need to be having warning signs flashing through my mind and guilt feeling while enjoying a subway sandwich or eating a greek salad, haha! We know too much! ;D
Anyways-speaking of how the Lord meets our needs...I got caught up in the whole 'age appropriate thing' when it came to weaning from a bottle (after I finished nursing) as well as how/when to give medicine...well, my 2 1/2yr old son suffers from night terrors (bad dreams he has trouble waking up from) as well as has been going through leg aches at night as he's growing. I was getting frustrated in how to comfort him one night, and he was having a screaming fit, refusing to take his medicine for his leg ache, and pushing it away, spilling it all over the bed, when I started crying due to frustration and lack of sleep. I left him in his bed crying and I cried out to the Lord in my heart about what to do in the hallway. He gave me the image of a baby bottle with medicine mixed in it and called in 'love'.
Needless to say, he hadn't had a bottle in many months, but I went downstairs and made a milk bottle and put the medicine in it. I took it back upstairs to him and asked if he wanted mommy to rock him, and that I had 'love' in a bottle for him. He immediately quieted down, and said, 'yes, he wanted mommy's love.' I took him into his sister's room where there was a rocking chair, and rocked him, held him like a baby, and fed him 'love' from a bottle. He couldn't get enough of the affection and 'love'. Within minutes, he was asleep in my arms, and I was crying softly to the Lord, thanking him.
It's amazing how we can search and search through books for right answers, etc., but it's so true that each child is different and will wean from various things at certain ages. I find it best to ask the Lord what to do in everything, as He's got the right answers in all...even 'detailed' answers! :D It's amazing and beautiful the discernment, we as children of God, receive daily through the spirit living in and abiding in us. I also love the freedom the Lord unleashes unto us when he says "34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:34 Isn't that freeing! :D I LOVE IT!!
So enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy with your hubby and know that He'll meet your every need and question!
I definitely agree that we might 'know to much', so now we can't trust our instincts.
You give great advice... now I won't worry so much about ruining my baby by not having her on a schedule. :-)
And I love my deli meats!!! I think its ridiculous how they say you should only eat them if they are steaming hot... gross!
We have done both--and prefer a schedule. It makes life so much easier after you have more than one child and I doubt I would have survived my four under four without scheduling.
I nursed on a schedule and had no problems with milk supply.
I think our relationship with our babies sets the tone for later years. We wanted a family centered home but not a child centered home.
We didn't use Ezzo. We used a book called What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young and the book of Proverbs.
Oh, I soooo have to have you over to chat!!!!! I've read the Ezzo book and thought it was very poorly done. He makes it sound like if you don't do it his way and you do AP your child will be a monster. NOT true. You can feed your baby when the baby is hungry, not on a schedule, sleep with your baby and NOT create a monster!!! We aren't completely AP, but very very close. Way too much for me to write here. :-)
As for the baby sleeping through the night - you will be fertile MUCH earlier if your baby sleeps through the night. Good book - Ecological Breastfeeding. I have it, so will loan it to you.
Again,I have to have you over! :-) I will fill your car with books and clothes. :-)
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