1 year later

Well, I'm pretty bad at blogging now.  Its been over a year.  I am giving up facebook for Lent.  Today is Ash Wednesday at 1pm (when I post this, its actually a couple weeks into lent now!) and I already had to get on it once (it was a legitimate reason, except I could have done it yesterday but forgot And I didn't check the 76 notifications I had).  Facebook must think I have died, they send me an email every few days saying I have pending notifications.  I'm going to be giving up message boards too because it would be too easy for me to replace facebook with that.

I was a facebook addict, I don't even have a smartphone but I would check it constantly throughout the day.   At our old house, we had a computer in the kitchen so it was convenient to stop by when I was doing something else, oh and what do you know - 20 minutes goes by and I have done nothing.  Since we moved here I have limited myself to facebook only when I'm nursing the kids to sleep which has worked pretty well, but I'm excited about the break and praying to be more focused on the Lord.

Oh right, we moved to Alaska!  In January.  Its been good so far though.  Its hard to get out with 2 little ones when its cold & snowy but I'll have to get used to it.  The sun is out today (only happens every couple days lately) so we'll have to get our vitamin d!

We live in an 1100 sq ft apartment.  Our last house was somewhere around 1600 or 1800 and two levels which I hated, we basically lived on the main level and only went upstairs to sleep.  Its so nice having a smaller place, we had to get rid of a LOT of stuff though, I can neither confirm nor deny whether we had an excess of our 9000 lb limit.  I love getting rid of things, decluttering, it makes me really happy.  Happier than buying things.  Not to mention, we will save a bunch of money vs if we had lived on base.  One big downside:  no washer/dryer.  There is a coin-operated one in the garage but its half the size of a normal washing machine and I was told the dryer sucks so... we wash in the tub.  Its mostly not as bad as it sounds.  Also no yard, but there is a park half a block away.  Its actually a "four-plex" not an apartment.  There are only 3 other units.  And we have super cool neighbors, all of them have kids (well one is a single guy but he's deployed right now) and they are really friendly and I'm feeling really blessed by it.

I got my nose pierced this past year.  I had wanted it for a while and I love it!  I also got my lip pierced... twice.  Its called spiderbites.  I went with my super awesome friend who got the same thing done (who also has 2 kids and I miss her so much) right before we moved.  Some days I love them and other days I think I might take them out.  Especially if I get hit in the lip by one of my children... it happens more often than you realize.

We have been gluten free for the past year.  I know, how many more people are going to jump on the bandwagon and claim "intolerance"?!  This gal so, shut your face.  It started because of Faith's eczema, that cleared right up and turns out her PICA (eating paper mostly) was related too.  She also becomes irrational and hyperactive (or exhausted, it varies) if she has it.  And has potty accidents.  She weighed 25lbs when I took us off gluten (she was 2.75 yr old) and she now weighs 32lbs.  She weighed 19.5 lbs at 7 months old.  So she gained more in a year than she had in the previous 2 years combined.  I am noticing more that when I am exposed I become so angry and impatient and exhausted.  I cannot wake up in the morning I just lay around for hours before I really wake up and think "so THIS is why people drink coffee!".  I  hate to tell you all this, but going GF is way easier than feeling like that every morning!  We keep getting glutened on accident lately... Mike isn't GF and I kissed him and I think got glutened because he had eaten cookie dough ice cream.  So Faith was glutened via the milkies.  And at Church, I only take communion under the wine form now because we started having reactions to that too.
Its weird that this is where we are now, when we first started GF I wouldn't really worry much about cross-contamination or "well I'm really hungry and we're out running errands so lets get some pizza and gouge ourselves on gluten for a couple days".  It also took me A LONG time to realize all of the symptoms she was having as a result of gluten and how it was all connected.  People always ask me if she is Celiac, as if that makes it more real.  We didn't get her tested before we took her off gluten and you're supposed to be eating gluten for a while before being tested and I'm not putting us through that just so I can have a diagnoses for something I already know the solution to.

Faith is still nursing.  She is 3.5.  (that is almost 4, I can't believe it!  she is so big)  Its only once a day, or some days not even once.  Ok ok and to go to sleep and several times at night, I really only have a vague idea of how often at night.  lol  I was *this* close to nightweaning her until I gave it a half assed attempt and realized it would be hard and possibly make my period come back, so really no one wins in that situation.  lol I'll just wait a while longer and maybe she'll night wean herself, that happens right?

*confession*  I am super dedicated to homeschooling, but at least once a week I google preschools because *I* think it looks like fun.  (esp the 600/month for 2 days a week waldorf school haha)

We also have a fantastic Catholic Church here!  Perpetual Adoration, a weekly children's rosary, no nursery so all the kids are making noise in church, latin mass once a week, and a moms group!  Its lovely!

Titus just started walking!  He is 14 months.  He is trying to talk too.  I don't know what else to say about a 1 year old.... so, sorry Titus.

Titus Augustine

warning: birth story and all things that go with it, but its not too gory, in my opinion.  :)

Christmas morning we went to mass with my sister and mom.  Two nights before I had mild cx 3-5 min apart, but then they quit when I went to sleep.  My due date was the 29th and I was definitely expecting to be a few days "late" since Faith was 9 days late.  We came home and went for a walk and Mike put pressure on one of the labor induction pressure points on my ankle for like 5 seconds, so I'm sure thats why I went into labor.  haha.  I started feeling light crampy contractions around 5 when I was helping my mom make dinner.  I timed them around 4 minutes apart for a few hours.  They started feeling more uncomfortable and I decided to have our doula come over since I knew it would take her a while.  She came over close to 10 with our photographer (I feel so fancy!  We didn't have any pictures from when Faith was born and it made me sad, so we hired a photographer, who also happened to be a doula/student midwife).  The base recently changed its rules for getting on base.  It used to be anyone could get on with a drivers license, but now they have to do a background check and get a pass and someone has to go down to the gate to sponsor them in.  its crazy ridiculous!  So, Mike went down to the gate to get them on.

I was having some... uh, intestinal upsets during this whole thing.  not pleasant at all. Then I started feeling nauseous after a contraction.  The contractions varied in intensity, it would be a really strong one, then a mild one, then a really strong one again.  Michael had brought home a TENS unit from work, which was AMAZING on my low back.  I kept it on from like 11ish until Titus was born at 4am, minus the little while I was in the tub.  I'm actually not sure its even recommended to leave it on that long. lol.   I actually got out of the tub at the hospital because I wanted the tens unit back on and it felt better than the tub did.  lol anyway, back to being at home.  I layed on the yoga ball for a long time, which helped, but then my lower back was getting sore, so I just sat for a while.   Then I drank some kefir, then I threw up twice.  I layed/slept/nursed Faith on the couch for about an hour.  Then I felt like I should change positions to speed things up.  So I sat/layed on the ball some more.  I started feeling a lot more pressure and felt like the baby was really low.

Faith fell asleep around 1 and we decided to go to the hospital.  I had been debating about what to do with Faith, especially if it was the middle of the night because she really freaks if I'm not here when she wakes up, even if Mike is here.  So the plan was she would come too, but I decided since she had just fallen asleep that she would stay here and my mom could bring her if she flipped out.  The drive was NOT fun.  It wasn't bad except for turns + contraction.  yowza.  I got into triage close to 2am and was 8cm with bulging bag of waters.  Then they put us in our room and I got in the tub.  The back pain was much much worse, so I only stayed in the tub for 30 minutes then got the tens unit back on.  My ob showed up around then.  I layed down in bed for a while (which I actually have no memory of).  This labor was so weird to me, looking back.  I remember in our bradley class that we took before Faith was born, they talked about laying on your side during labor and I thought that was crazy... who just wants to lay there during labor?  But I totally did this time.  I could have been hooked up to the EFM the whole time and would have been fine, I just wanted to lay down.  lol.  I started feeling a lot of pressure and sort of pushy.  I did hands and knees and kneeling, it did not feel good.  pushing didn't help with the pressure.  I made quite a bit of progress though.  I could feel his head with my fingertips, it was really cool!  I also started feeling a burning when his head was still an inch or so in... really weird because I didn't feel anything until Faith's head was crowning.

They noticed the baby (I'm not sure if I should refer to him as "the baby" since we didn't know or as a him/Titus since he is born and we now know what sex he is.  lol) was having heart rate decelerations after the contraction was over... so I used some oxygen for a few contractions which I don't remember it helping.  My OB asked if he could break my water to speed things up bec of the decels.  sure.  That was painful mid-contraction. Then I changed positions to sitting up/squatting, which helped with his heartrate(but apparently decels like that are usually normal as long as they recover b/t).  But he really moved back up when I changed positions which was really discouraging, but I only pushed for 45min total before he was born.  Thats a lot better than the 3 hours with Faith!  I felt really out of control when I was pushing and the intensity was insane.  It really felt much more painful than with Faith.  I'm not sure if its because he had a nuchal hand (hand up by his face) or because I didn't do any preparing myself mentally like I had last time.  Anyway, Michael got to catch him which was really really really awesome, I'm glad we decided to do that this time.  I put him right onto my chest and we nursed and someone asked what the sex was because I had forgotten to check - a BOY!  I couldn't believe it.  The whole pregnancy I felt like it was a boy but basically thought no way and anticipated it being a girl.  Michael's face was so ecstatic when I announced it.  It was sooo awesome waiting until birth day to find out the sex, totally worth it (though I had no desire to find out during the pregnancy, so it wasnt really "difficult").  I think I will be doing it that way with future pregnancies, it just made the labor that much more exciting.  I kept saying/thinking "I get to find out if its a boy or girl!!"  They were concerned about his breathing and thought he might need oxygen, but he was fine.  They left his cord for 5-7 min according to our doula, and only cut it because they thought they needed to take him to the warmer for oxygen, but that never happened so... yeah.  Which, looking back, if he was having possible breathing trouble you should probably leave him attached to his backup oxygen source, but this is the hospital ;)

Things I wasn't happy about:  I said no pulling/maneuvering the head before the shoulders are out and there was definite maneuvering.  My doc stuck cord clamps on the very edge of the cord (not actually clamping off the vessels) and just let them hang there after he was born.  it felt like he was pulling on the cord, WTH STOP and he took the clamps off then.  I'm thinking it was either to get a "gentle" traction on the cord even though I said no traction or (according to the web) that is how they can tell when the placenta separates bec the cord will lengthen and if you stick the clamps on there you can see it lengthening.  There was suggestion of manually removing clots from my uterus for no good reason... what?!  why would you suggest such a thing!! of course I'm not agreeing to that are you CRAZY!?  So I agreed to the damn uterine massage.

I had a 2nd degree tear again (prob from the nuchal hand).  I think I did something to my tailbone, because it was really painful to sit for any length of time for the first week.  Overall I'm really pleased with our hospital experience... other than the above it was perfect.  No one even asked to weigh him for an hour, no one asked to bathe him, I don't think he even wore clothes for the first few hours.  We told them we wanted to leave as soon as possible and they basically pushed us out the door.  They started getting us all our discharge stuff when he was just a few hours old.  Faith came with my mom and sister around 10am and was sooo happy to see me.  Apparently she had woken up right around the time he was born, and cried but fell back to sleep on our bed, which she has only done twice in her entire life (fallen asleep by herself that is).  We ended up leaving (not without a stern speech from a nazi pediatrician about refusing the vitamin K injection) when he was 9 hours old, making our total stay barely 12 hours.  We had to leave "against medical advice" because they won't discharge the newborn before 24 hours, but no one acted like it was a big deal.

He was 7lbs 6 oz and 20.5 inches long, born at 4:12am.  14" head, 13" chest (or maybe it was 13 and 12... can't remember. definitely an inch smaller, Faith's chest was 1/2" bigger than her head).  He had some jaundice.  He basically sleeps all the time, even still at 3 weeks.  We started doing EC at 1 week old, just during diaper changes/if its been a while and he's still dry.  The kid pees like crazy though, I seriously change him at least 15x a day.  Oh and his name:  Titus... from the New Testament.  apparently there was also an awful roman emperor named Titus who killed a lot of Jews... I learned this when someone at the hospital on our way out asked us what his name was and just said "oh no" and walked away.  such a good feeling! lol  We have liked the name for such a long time I didn't even think to do a google search.  And Augustine, like the totally awesome Saint (pronounced with a short i sound).  So far his only nickname is Mr. Titus.  Michael kept calling him a her/she for at least the first week.  He also called Faith, Claire (his youngest sisters name) for a long time after she was born.  lol he is funny.  My super awesome friends (mostly from our local babywearing group) brought us meals for 2 weeks, then Michael's mom came last week and cooked all our meals so I have only cooked us one meal so far!  It has been such a huge blessing!

Updated with pictures by our birth photographer.  Also, as you can see in these photos I'm totally not the ecstatic woman who just had a baby.  lol I'm smiling in like none of them, because well I just gave birth and was just tired and glad it was over

38 week update

Well, I haven't blogged in a while.  So here is an update in bullet form.

• I'm 38 weeks.  Feels like baby has dropped, ouch my pubic bone and lots of nerve irritation.  I keep feeling like this baby will be early, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.  Faith was 9 days late though and I know babies come when they are ready :)
• Faith is 2 and a half.  And so much fun.  I really really like this stage.  Its so easy when they really understand you.  She is still nursing and nursing at night and sleeping in our bed.  And I wear her on my back to get her to go to sleep.  Its a sight to see, let me tell you.  But seriously, the "toddler-wearing" is the best thing ever.  She is around 26lbs so definitely not a heavy 2.5 yr old.  She falls asleep in minutes!
• Lately she is totally uninterested in me reading books to her most days and wants to "read" them herself.  it frustrates me.  She knows colors and animals, but not interested in shapes or counting past 3. hehe.  
• She understands there is a baby in my belly and will say "baby moving!"  if she sees/feels it moving.  But I'm not sure how much she understands that the baby will be staying with us forever.  lol  
• She says her name "beef".  

Birth Plan

Thought I'd put this here for opinions and safe keeping...  As you can see I'm really not concerned about treatment during 1st stage... (in fact I may leave all of that out because its just stuff I can say no to in the moment) mainly just 2nd and 3rd since that was when I had issues with Faith's birth (shoulder dystocia and hemorrhage). I think I'll hand this to my doc tomorrow and say "So, how early can we schedule the induction?"  pahahahah.  With Faith's birth plan, I made it kind of humorous and titled it "Beth and Mike's Birth Decree", ya know, to change it up for the nurses who read these things all day long.  I think this time I'll call it my "List of Demands"  ;-)

1st Stage

I do not consent to oxygen, IV medication, or a saline lock ‘just in case’

Please do not offer pain relief. If I wish to have some myself or my husband will ask for it.

I do not consent to continuous monitoring unless intermittent monitoring shows something that needs closer attention.

I do not wish for my water to be artificially broken unless I request it

2nd Stage

no pulling/maneuvering baby's head before shoulders are born

in case of shoulder dystocia - help me change to hands/knees position, absolutely no pulling 

Would like to have Michael help catch the baby and announce the sex

I wish to push on instinct and with freedom of position. Please do not count.

3rd Stage

I do not consent to suctioning the baby

I do not consent to a pitocin shot after birth unless I am hemorrhaging.

I do not consent to traction, gentle or otherwise, on the cord. I will deliver the placenta once it has detached on it’s own

I do not consent for the cord to be cut until it has stopped pulsating and preferably until placenta is delivered unless lifesaving measures are needed.

We would like to take the placenta home. 

4th Stage

I do not consent to uterine massage unless uterus is not contracting on its own

Newborn exams will be delayed for at least one hour after birth
I do not consent to the vitamin K shot, Hepatitis B, or erythromyacin, and baby will not have blood drawn without prior consent

We will not be circumcising if the baby is a boy.  

We would like to return home as soon as possible and would appreciate help in doing so

Update

Just a boring update, because I feel guilty when I don't update for months at a time. :)

We were going to be moving to NJ in March, but looks like that isn't happening now. I was pretty disappointed at first, but it would have been really hard to move across the country with a 2 month old and 2 year old. Plus I have lots of super awesome friends here that I would miss a lot, even though now I won't be able to get raw milk 45 min away for $5/gallon. boo!

"New baby" is 24 weeks now :) cooking right along! We aren't finding out the gender... and not doing any u/s at all unless medically indicated. I have a super awesome doctor that has been supportive of me declining every test he has offered so, thats been nice. I'm serious, he is crunchier than the midwife I had when Faith was born. Who would have thought!?

Starting to really feel pregnant now... feeling lots of movements and I've been having braxton hicks since 9 or 10 weeks! jeez! Its also getting harder to move and roll over in bed. We haven't decided officially on names, but pretty sure it will be MaryGrace if its a girl, I've really liked that name for a long time, even before we were Catholic (I know, I know, could we pick a more Catholic name? lol) and now its perfect, and we found out that Mary and Grace are both family names on Michael's side! Not sure on a boy's name though... we still have a couple favorites. No middle names yet either.

Faith is almost 28 months. I really really like this stage she's at. Way better than 1 was! She can understand and say so much, and she can help! She really responds well when she is upset if I give her a time frame like "We can't watch veggie tales right now, we can watch it after you take a nap" and she says "alright". Or "We can't go to the park now, we can go to the park tomorrow"... "ok". She loves to point out sheshus (Jesus) and Mary (sometimes loudly) when we go to Church, she loves to listen to and play "meek" (music), and says things like she's a little italian "help a me"... "don't touch a me". She really loves playing with other kids "tids". And loves giving hugs and holding my hand when we walk - its the sweetest thing!

We're working on potty "learning", right now its potty bribery - don't judge me. Several months ago she started refusing the potty all together (except poop - she always tells me she needs to poop! Thank goodness!!), even if she needed to pee so after a few months of her being completely in diapers (we did EC from the beginning so she has been going on the potty her whole life) and my potty offers always being met with "NO!"- I'm giving chocolate chips. If it doesn't work, fine, but if it does - yay for not having 2 babies in diapers!

She is still nursing quite a bit, which is a little discouraging bec I have colostrum now and I was hoping she would wean on her own when I had no milk... but doesn't look like that will be happening. We went on a trip for a friends wedding and she was barely nursing other than nap/bedtime, but now that we're back home she wants to a lot more often (probably from boredom). I'm torn on the whole tandem nursing thing and don't know how I feel/will feel about it. I'm just keeping an open mind right now and seeing how things go. I just know we need to really work on night weaning because I am not down for nursing 2 all night long! I've already weaned her off her habit of twiddling the other side.... numerous times! "I touch o'dide!" (I touch other side - lol) I just forget she isn't supposed to be doing it sometimes. I'd also like to get her falling asleep by herself for naps/bedtimes, but I'm not too optimistic. And honestly, if its between a long bedtime/nap routine or nursing for a few minutes, I'll take nursing... even if I do have another baby to nurse too, because I'm lazy ;-)

hmmm maybe pictures sometime this week.

How my children will be 2.5 years apart by doing nothing

I feel like I need to make a disclaimer - I'm in no way, shape, or form saying you must do this to be a good mother, Christian, what have you. I'm posting this because I think its amazing and a lot of people are unaware that its even possible (or that by just breastfeeding you can't get pregnant). I also feel like some may think we purposely spaced our babies far apart, but we basically had nothing to do with it. ;-)

So, if you have any desire to not use contraception (and I advise against it) this is an awesome, completely God-designed way to space your babies.

So, Faith and new baby will be 2.5 years apart. Spaced only by breastfeeding. God is amazing and designed our bodies so perfectly :). I will explain...

Prolactin is a hormone produced during breastfeeding, it also suppresses ovulation. The production of this hormone is affected by frequency of suckling, proximity to your baby, and being well rested. So, when someone mothers in a "primal" way, typical of "attachment parenting", using only what God gave them - they will have an absence of ovulation for 14 months on average. God didn't send our newborns with pacifiers, formula, bottles, cribs, infant car seats used outside of the car (I know all of these things can have there place or are needed in certain families and situations). Anyway, surprise - you don't NEED any of it! If you would like natural spacing between your children this is a sort of "checklist", I'll give reasons for each being necessary.

1. No bottles, pacifiers, formula - obviously this would affect prolactin levels. All suckling is to be done at the breast. Pumping does not have the same effect. I have a friend who just does not understand that pacifiers have an impact, but breastfeeding is so much more than nourishment, its comfort too (which is when the pacifier comes in for many moms)
2. Co-sleeping. This encourages nighttime feedings and prolactin levels are said to be highest/most affected during the night. Also just being close to your baby raises levels! So if you decide to nightwean your 2 month old, expect your cycle to return quickly! And, most babies sleep better when they are near mom anyway. This also allows mom more sleep since she doesn't have to wake up for night feedings... YAY!
3. Baby sets schedule. No schedules for nursing, baby determines length and time of feeding. I think this one is pretty obvious - a lot less nursing if you only nurse every 3 hours for 20 minutes. What amazes me most is that God made it so that the most common sense, easiest, simplest way is what will space your babies apart. You don't need a book to tell you when the next feeding will be. I LOVE simplicity and not having to think and, postponed fertility = BONUS! :)
4. No solids before 6 months. And slowly introduce them after that. I've read that the gut sometimes doesn't fully close until 8 months. And no medical association recommends solids at 4-6 months anymore for breastfed babies, they all say 6 months. And the total intake remains the same, so if they eat 1 oz of food, that is replacing 1 oz of breastmilk. Solids should only be for fun for the first year - you don't need to feed your baby 3 meals a day of solids.
5. no separation/delaying feedings. I understand sometimes moms have to work, and unless they have a situation where they can bring their baby with them - this wouldn't work. It really is easy to bring baby with you wherever you're going though, throw them in a sling/baby carrier and you're good to go!
6. Nap. Taking a daily nap with your baby. The book "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" says this could be a big factor in whether or not you experience delayed fertility. I think it says a nap of about 30 minutes. Honestly, I hate this one. I hardly ever took a nap with Faith, but I still held her and sat on the couch with the laptop for the majority of her naps until she was almost 1. I felt completely rested because I would sleep 10 solid hours every night :). Anyway, if you want more info on why napping affects you, you can buy the book used for pretty cheap, she goes into a lot of detail on how important the nap is for some women, but I'm a rebel ;-) haha. Also, the other areas I listed were just common sense for us, we were doing it anyway before I knew it would delay fertility, maybe this one would be easier if we lived in a culture where "siestas" are the norm. I can definitely see this one being difficult if you have a lot of kids already.
7. Comfort Nurse. Nutrition is only part of nursing - comfort is such a huge part, letting your baby continue to suckle after its asleep, allowing them to nurse when they are upset but not necessarily hungry, nursing to sleep, nursing in the middle of the night (this is also for nutrition for most babies for a long long time). In essence - the dreaded "human pacifier". *gasp* could there be anything worse?! (sense the sarcasm?)

Now, I need to say that there is a small percentage that will get there cycles back before 6 months no matter what. There are also women who get such a long break that they have to completely wean to get pregnant. But average is 14 months - I got 17 months (probably due to the amount Faith nurses at night and her not eating much food) and it took another 6 months after that due to my luteal phase issues (which also could have been attributed to breastfeeding). One of my friends was concerned and thought something was wrong with me since I hadn't gotten my period back, but we weren't meant to have years and years of periods - its only recent generations where that has been the norm, since women have stopped having large families. My sister's doctor even told her that its not good for your body to have so many periods (though that was to convince her to take birth control pills for health issues since they will eventually stop/slow your periods. I'm pretty sure its better to have years of periods than to take chemicals & hormones for years to stop them lol).

I also think its quite funny that the opponents to mothering this way, call their way "God's Way". Really? Why? God wanted us to use clocks and schedules and separate sleeping rooms and be afraid of holding our babies too much? hmm it doesn't say that in the Bible, so should we not assume whatever is most natural is how God designed it to work best? and funny that it works out that way too (in regards to fertility, milk production, infant growth, attachment, etc). I just can't imagine Mary saying "well, baby Jesus, its not yet 6 according to the sun dial. Its still your naptime, no milkies for you.". I don't know... just doesn't sound like her to me. Or can you imagine Jesus not wanting to spoil the children by holding them too much? Why do we use the phrase "spoiling/spoiled" for children anyway?? Food spoils when its left alone, forgotten, and untouched. :(

Here is a lot more info if anyone is interested.

Hospital vs. Homebirth

I CAN NOT make a decision. So someone tell me what you think I should do because I'm completely unreliable. Mike is leaving the decision up to me, but I know he hopes I'll pick hospital again (he really liked the food and it being free)

homebirth: I found a good midwife here that would only be $1200 (which is half her normal fee) if I have prenatals up until 28 weeks at the base hospital (yuck). I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about having a homebirth, I know midwives are trained to handle all sorts of "variations of normal" and carry oxygen and know CPR and have things for hemorrhage. and Faith had shoulder dystocia and that scares the crap out of me, because thats like 5 minutes or your baby dies or has severe brain damage (granted it would probably be handled in a better way than it was in the hospital). We are also 25 minutes from the hospital (driving speed limit). Also not keen on having prenatals on base for that long, having to walk around sick people, nurses being mad at me for declining flu shot, tests, etc. They also can't handle ANYTHING there, they thought I could be dehydrated when I had morning sickness with Faith so I had to drive 45 min to the Army hospital just to pee in a cup, them to tell me I'm fine and they gave me a script for anti-nauseau meds. stupid. Just generally not sure if I even WANT a homebirth, I feel like I *should* want it, and that I'm "uneducated" (as some might say...) for not wanting one.

The other thing that turns me off to homebirth is the hostility towards hospital birth I feel from some people in the HB community, many times its warranted but other times its just ignorance! for instance I interviewed a midwife and she was shocked that I didn't receive an episiotomy, epidural or pitocin... I don't know it seemed kind of easy to avoid those things but maybe thats just because I went in fully educated, prepared and carefully chose my care provider. And I just read on the internet, someone said that if you care about what happens to your baby after birth then you should choose homebirth because you can't decline hep b, vit k or eye ointment in the hospital. ummm yes you can! ugh, now that is ignorant. You might have to fight for it (I didn't have to), but you can decline them.

OB at hospital: I would use a CNM again but their are none anymore at the hospital Faith was born at. :( So I found this awesome sounding OB, his website mentions honoring birth plans, lowering c-section risks, and supporting natural birth. Just general awesomeness to read on an OB website. And he's in a solo-practice, meaning he will deliver your baby not whoever is on call. I interviewed him and one of the first things he says, after I told him there aren't any CNMs anymore at the specific hospital he says "I can be a midwife!" and went on to say how I could have a doula, Faith can stay the night in the hospital with us if we want, he has never routinely done episiotomies (the last one he did the woman requested it!) and couldn't even give me a statistic for the rate, his c-section rate is 15-18% but he is not happy with it being that high, but because women demand its hard to bring it down. I don't have to have the glucose tolerance test if I don't have any other symptoms/risk factors, don't have to have antibiotics during labor if I'm gbs+, he prefers delayed cord clamping, was totally supportive of birthing in any position.. he said "How do I know what's comfortable?" hahaha. He will deliver breech and twins vaginally, I asked him how often he sees moms deliver without pain meds or augmentation like pitocin he said "all the time, just this morning in fact!" Honestly he seemed more open-minded than the midwife I planned on using at the hospital. He said "I don't know what the right answer is, I just give you the information so you can make your own informed decision". Buuuuutttt, I feel like he could just be answering all my questions right, putting on a show, ya know. I'd hope not, but I can't help but think that - I'm a total skeptic. He also said I could probably birth in the tub (though he didn't act super confident in his answer), which i know is against hospital policy and I'm pretty sure that wouldn't happen, so I don't know if he just doesn't know what he's talking about w/regards to the waterbirth thing or if he's just trying to please me. And its a man and that is kind of weird to me.

There is one CNM that delivers at a different hospital, I've heard they aren't as "baby friendly" and that the hospital Faith was born at is the best in town to give birth at... so, idk. I've heard really good things about the CNM though, haven't interviewed her yet. It's slightly further away and a friend told me she would be out of town a week before my due date, so, I really don't know. I know I should just interview her though, SO tired of interviews though!

If I went the hospital route again, I would have a doula and a birth photographer this time because I'm so disappointed that I have no pictures from Faith's birth. I didn't have a doula for Faith's birth but luckily my MW ended up being there the entire labor and never left my side so she was an awesome doula, but I feel like with an OB they aren't necessarily going to be there the whole labor and I feel like I'll need extra back up to advocate for me. But if we did homebirth I wouldn't need a doula but I wouldn't be able to afford the photographer or anything else like a chiropractor!

seriously sometimes I wish I didn't know or think so much.